i am so free from you
I'm up late, reading blog entries from people like Upsi and Kiki and Mulderfan, and this is what my soul sings:
"I am so free from you
I am so free from you
I am so free from you."
It's hardly poetry, but it's what resonates through me.
I remember being a preteen and teenager, and wanting more than anything to be free. Not free in the sense of being able to come and go as I please, or to live outside my parents home, as I imagine many teenagers feel, but free in the sense of free to be myself. Free from tyrrany. Free from censorship. Free from being told what a bad person I am.
I don't have to be near you.
I don't have to be at your beck and call.
I don't have to attend you on the days you deem important for no reason other than my biological relationship to you.
I don't have to pretend that we're "one big happy family".
Family estrangement is considered such a sad thing in our society, but nobody considers how absolutely wonderful it can be from the point of view of the person escaping an oppressive, soul-sucking relationship. It's the kind of wonderful that makes you want to spin in a full skirt in the middle of a breezy meadow.
Divorcing my mother is the best thing I have ever done, bar none.
As for my father? I'm sorry he chose to tether himself to such a woman. He had potential, perhaps. It was wasted on her. He made his choice, and I made mine.
My choice is to be ME, and free.